March’s theme turned out to be Confidence, so I decided to write a new mini-series called Confidence Talk.
I read the book called “Confidence Code” by Kathy Kay and Claire Shipman. After finishing it, I decided to talk about it at the Femcity March Local Social and then got called out almost immediately on my lack of confidence at a specific moment (more on that next time). I watched the Data + Women Tableau Users Group webinar and a lot of the talk was on building your confidence as a budding analytics professional. And I just finished the Orlando Lady Boss podcast about having the confidence to take credit for your contributions.
“Confidence Code” Highlights
There are huge differences between the confidence levels of men and women and those differences are caused both by nurture and nature. Until recently, girls have been raised to be polite and to wait their turn. Women have gotten in the habit of apologizing for way too many things (which I’ve already ranted about in a private Facebook group this past month, so I’ll forego it here).
But confidence in humans and non-humans alike can stem from the chemical makeup of their body and whether they have a fast or slow metabolism to absorb them. This is the foundation to whether you take risks or sit on the sidelines. And then parents and the outside environment help shape whether the absorption rate becomes a good or bad influence on confidence. The book also gave great advice on how we should start raising our daughters to help enable them to make good, confident choices.
I will probably read that last section on raising confident kids again in a few more years!
Patti is still learning 
Interesting subject, and it’s the perfect opportunity for a rant.
I often find the lack of confidence in women I meet annoying, especially the type of hyperfemme behavior I had to get used to in the US, especially the South. We rarely see that in Germany, I’m not used to it, and I find it irritating in a civilized society. It’s incongruent when somebody tells me she expects equal pay, but she wants men to pay for every date, and when I see her with a man, she’s tossing her hair, simpering at everything he says, and she’s unable to shake hands. (I could write another three paragraphs on dating and engagements)
What’s up with the type of handshake where they just give you part of their fingers? I never know whether I’m supposed to shake the fingers–or do they want me to bow and kiss their knuckles?
Are girls taught to act like this? Do they learn it from media? It’s very odd to me. I’d love for a reader to explain this with patience for the foreigner. Sometimes I feel like an anthropologist, watching strange tribal rites.
If these women would say it’s their personal belief to be inferior to men, I’d be troubled, but at least I could accept it as a matter of faith (there are a lot of things around faith that I just have to accept, I could add one more).
But they don’t! They display all the signs of inferiority, of subjugating themselves, and then they complain that they’re not being treated equally.
That’s what I don’t understand. Especially when it comes from very intelligent, highly achieving women.
You can be feminine AND strong, you know?
Sometimes I want to teach workshops on body language for women, about exactly this subject.
Thank you for your comment, Lu!
Body language is a super important factor that also helps boost confidence. There have been studies that show your confidence levels change just by how you sit! The way women are somehow trained to sit from watching others leads to a feeling of subjugation.
I’m uncertain about why some people still utilize the damsel in distress handshake (and I’ve met some guys who use it). You’d think by now everyone would have read or seen some kind of article or post on how not to shake hands.
The dating game becomes a true dichotomy in our society and I’m not sure how it will be rectified in our lifetime. Hopefully as more generations develop a true desire for equanimity we’ll have those breakthroughs. We have to keep reminding ourselves that our grandmothers were only begrudgingly welcomed into the workforce. And men and women are still seeing in the media and entertainment the subjugation of females in business and dating. We just need more princesses like Moana and Merida whose stories are not defined by being in a relationship!