Partners Require You to Learn More About Yourself

I spend the majority of my time with two amazing men. My husband, John, and my business partner, Jack (yes, I mess up their names often).

These two very different men have different love languages, life strategies, and favorite past times. But learning more about them has required me also to take a fresh look at myself (which also helps them, I hope!).

Here are some quizzes to get to know yourself better that you can then ask the partners in your life to take.

Do you know that your Love Language can change? Have you checked yours recently? I took the test over a decade ago, and my languages were Touch and Quality Time. John and I retook the quiz as a date night prompt from our Adventure Challenge for Couples book. With the pandemic came the fact that John and I had A LOT of quality time together.

My results of the test changed to Touch and Acts of Service! This made me start to reflect and recall that I feel more loved now when someone (John, Jack, friends, etc.) does something for me because it means they were thinking of me. It’s the consideration and recognition of being worth it for them. But, of course, with life so jampacked, I only have so much capacity for Quality Time, so it’s still valuable. Still, when I have a friend who takes the initiative to plan our Quality Time together rather than relying solely on me figuring it out. In that case, I am over the moon feeling loved.

Jack and I are quiz-aholics. But the one we’ve settled on being the most impactful for our relationship has been the Kolbe A Index. We’ve learned how we are similar and different when tackling projects, and we’ve turned our strengths into project superpowers. We need help from others with some strategies, so we’ve found it! We’ve even made a handy reference sheet and a workshop to help others.

Kolbe A also has a quiz for couples. I’m still working on getting John to take it. More learnings to come!

This last suggestion isn’t an assessment, but it’s been the most life-changing, impactful learning I’ve encountered. It has helped improve and solidify my relationships with John, Jack, and my close friends: Human Design. It’s based on astrology, the Chinese I Ching, the Hindu chakra system, Kabbalah, and quantum physics. I might dive deeper into this in a later blog post, but here is my wisdom from this. Since I learned more about some of my quirks, strengths, personality traits, and life themes, and I know John’s and Jack’s, I have so much more feelings of gratitude, acceptance, power, and love for them. All this from knowing your birth date, time, and location! The one word I say every time I learn something new about myself, my family, and my friends is always “fascinating.”

I encourage you to pick one of these to better understand your partner and yourself!

Still learning,


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